tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
