don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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