She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
