Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
