I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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