If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
