We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
