I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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