Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
