It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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