I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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