I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
