Cold hands, warm shart.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
