Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
