Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
