I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize