i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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