im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
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He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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