i wish there were pregnant emoticons
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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