nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
