What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
