we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
bring money and cleavage
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
