I just cut my nipple shaving
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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