Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
