All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
