I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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