Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
