Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
