at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
