I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it's like heaven, but drunker
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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