is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize