So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need a beard to bite.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
