fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
