My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
