I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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