The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
