dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
nutella sex= disaster
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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