I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
