just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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