Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
