Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
