My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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