My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need a beard to bite.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
