Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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