We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're like a lot better than the average bears
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
