okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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