I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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