how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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