Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
