Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
