I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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