This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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