The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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