You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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