I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize