Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
