Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
