alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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